last night i was going to write a plan. but it turned into a list. i wanted more than a list. i wanted to rationalise every part of the plan but my brain switched off, and i wrote the same thing twenty times 'dont fuck it up'. its like i cant think straight. i could write a fucking essay on how i feel but it would bore you, fuck it bores me most days. at least im happy for once. i am. im tired of being called sad. for once someone can read this and say 'wow jenni is happy'. i am. but im scared. so scared. 'dont fuck it up'.
