iv'e been meaning to write about this for a few weeks now but it lost its meaning for a while. I was reading josh's live journal and he said he was suprised that he was such a mystery to everyone, now i dont know if he meant anything else by that but he was always a mystery to me. He still is a bit. and it made me wonder if, infact, i am a mystery to anyone at all. i dont know why i would be. im honest i hold nothing back and ill tell you anything you want to know, infact ill tell you stuff you probably dont want to know. but when i was visiting Jonni last we were talking (as me and jonni do best in the early hours of the morning smoking and drinking and talking about things we probably shouldnt be talking about) and he told me that i was a complete mystery. an enigma. and i was shocked.
when asking him why, he didnt really know. he said it was because he had never met anyone like me before, and that truelly was a nice nice compliment and for a few minutes i felt like i was the most special person in the world. he then went on to desribe why he thought that in more detail. and what he told me suprised me. he was telling me stuff that i always say about the people i know that are way too cool to be friends with me. for a minute i thought he was talking about someone else. and i wanted to write this down before i forget it ever happened. not because i think being a mystery is particularly cool or uncool or whatever- but because i read somewhere that when someone says something nice about you you should write it down so you dont forget about it. so that is what i have done.
writeing this has made me think about Jonni. i do miss him. i think i might miss him more than other people sometimes. over the last four years we have found out how to destroy each other. quite literally destroy each other. he is the only person i know that knows all my weaknesses, and i his. but he knows how to lift me up above everything and make me laugh and smile til im happy again.
once i thought me and jonni were going to get married. i dont think that anymore but it was a nice dream for a while.
